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I knew that my child would learn a ton about reading, writing, math, science, etc., in kindergarten (way more than I did as a napping, chocolate milk-slurping student back in the good ol' kinder half-days). What I wish I'd known is that ALL THAT is still only half the story.

I was shocked by how big a role social-emotional education played in the curriculum. I guess that I assumed that kids would show up on Day 1 ready and willing to pay attention, follow rules, treat others with respect, and believe in themselves. In hindsight, it seems so obvious that those are skills that must be taught, practiced, and reinforced too!

Before my child started kindergarten, I did not appreciate how many hats kindergarten teachers wear; they're mediators, motivational speakers, comedians, counselors, healers, and so much more. Kindergarten is a lot for the little hearts and minds, and I wish I had gone into it knowing that helping my son cope emotionally – with empathy, patience, kindness, and encouragement – would end up being every bit as important as helping him solve a subtraction problem.

We hadn't registered how much socio-emotional learning and growth would be a necessary part of his experience and integrated into his ability to participate well in class, learn to navigate new friendships, and respond appropriately to teachers.

We also didn't realize that peer pressure already would be such a thing for him in K {e.g. pink (his former favorite) is a “girl's color” so he switched to red. Sigh.}, or that a desire to belong would lead to some behavioral shifts (being overly “silly,” at times at the cost of respect or kindness.).

We also needed to realize we weren't failing as parents if things got tough, we just needed to lean into a strong partnership with his amazing kindergarten teacher and trust his ability and desire to grow.

Yes, thank goodness! And the credit for that goes to his excellent pre-K program. It emphasized phonics, writing, and sight words, which gave my son a strong foundation for English language arts and a confidence boost in his beginner reading days.

But there were also seemingly little things that made big differences, like getting him accustomed to carrying a full-size backpack, hanging up his coat when he arrived each morning, doing daily homework (however light it was), and spending time away from me for a chunk of the day. Being used to those things when he started kindergarten made the transition so much easier – not just on him, but on me too.

We actually decided to send him as the youngest in his class (he has a late August birthday) because he'd done well as the youngest in pre-K and demonstrated kindergarten readiness. We are still glad we did, but because of the socio-emotional learning, we had moments of doubt.

He loved the academics of kindergarten but we needed to walk with him socio-emotionally and were so grateful for a teacher who was willing to use her wisdom to walk us through the navigation of friendships, behavioral struggles, etc.

Our child was delighted to be in kindergarten. He's extroverted and loves learning, so the opportunity to spend more time learning each day and meet new people had him really excited from day one.

We also made sure to talk through each step of the day and imagine what he might encounter, and practice any little hiccups he could meet (e.g. he's a vegetarian, and we talked through how he'd clearly communicate that in the cafeteria if needed, he has two moms, so how to respond to questions about his family, etc.).

It exceeded our expectations in terms of how much he was invited into academic learning, celebrating who he is, and how to build friendships with accountability to relationships. He certainly had tough days but he loved the challenges.

Read everything that comes home: emails, handouts, messages, etc. Apparently, they actually contain important information that's often necessary to your kindergartener's learning and participation. Be respectful of the time and also proactive in reaching out to the teacher, even if it's not academic.

Also remember, if your kindergartener has had consequences for behavior at school, they don't need extra consequences at home. Show them you love and support them, and then talk through what's going on socio-emotionally and their pathways to different choices. Even practice them.

My son is always chattiest about his day right after the dismissal bell rings. In our 10-minute walk home from school, I find out more about what he learned, who he played with, and what made him happy or sad, than at any other time. Once he gets home, he's on to the next thing.

So my advice: Listen closely during those precious moments when your child opens up about school. Ask questions. Show genuine interest. That connection will benefit you both.

Sometimes things go off the rails – behavioral missteps, lack of after-school routine, neglected book bag books, and home reading practice – and it feels like you're ruining your child's chance of really getting the most out of kindergarten (or maybe that's just me…).

But it turns out that supporting your kid, communicating with their teacher, and letting kindergarten work its magic means incredible learning is taking place, and you have time and space to reset. Savor the moments of great joy and hold the tough days with open palms and grace for yourself and everyone involved.